Giving Advice Is Almost Always About Empathy

There is good advice that just doesn't apply to the situation. "Keep you head down and work hard", "Take a break to recover and come back strong", "Sometimes the problem you think you have is actually a different one and solving that one resolves the rest.", "Don't get caught up in the small problems when the house is on fire". Honestly the list of "conflicting" advice is as endless as the stars in the sky. The key factor is that the advice applies to the situation of the person receiving the advice. If the situation doesn't fit, the advice is just noise.See my recommendations

That's why I say giving good advice depends almost entirely on empathy. If you can understand the perspective of the person receiving the advice and are able to communicate that effectively, you'll always have people coming to you. To be clear though, it's not like a bad piece of advice won't slip it's way in, which is why the first part of understanding is absolutely necessary. If someone feels like you understand them, not every piece of advice has to be gold. So, in order to give advice, first set the scene and then provide the hints, pointers or solution. If you feel like the situation is not entirely clear or the persons emotions to it are too strong, that's where crafting a situation to give advice on comes in. Describing a different situation, whether it's a personal experience, a story you yourself have heard or entirely fictional is the most popular way of setting the scene to then give advice on. There are a lot of reasons this is effective, but here are my favorite: If you set the scene well, it's easy to relate to and understanding the advice is more matter of fact. If you don't set the scene well, you can ask how they think their situation is different then what you described (which just allows you to set the scene again). Lastly by being in control of the scene makes it so that you do not have to get stuck on the finer details of a problem, without necessarily ignoring them.

One of the most confusing parts of giving good advice is the ability to not say anything in regards to trying to "solve" the situation. If you focus on understanding the situation and perspective, you may realize that it's not an issue that needs input. Knowing that not only helps the person coming to you, but also saves yourself from the sick burn of unwanted advice. There are also plenty of times that by merely being a third party in a conversation that the solution is self realized. Letting that happen earns you credit as a listener and advice giver and requires very little on your side, win-win.

Lets pretend that someone has come to you with a situation and you completely understand it. Yet for whatever reason, you don't think you have anything of value to add. I would lightly argue that you can always default to something that matters more than anything, offering to be there. "I don't know, but I am always here to help." This not only gives you time to find the advice, if you think it exists (probably does), it also can give you a chance to continue to be there as the situation progresses. Besides, being there almost always does more than anything words alone can do.

I was reading something a few days ago and it really got me in the feels. "Everyone is silently carrying a weight and a lot of that weight would easily break you." What this means is that while it may not be obvious or apparent, every person has gone through life and survived up until the point. There is always something to learn and take away from that and being able to share what you have personally experienced with others is something everyone can do.

I pretty much wrote this entire thing because of the last paragraph. What I want is for people to care about each other and to me the core of that is being there for one another. The most superficial in my opinion is giving advice and solutions (just the words... ironic). Sometimes it's enough, but in reality, most people just need some reliable people in the thick of it with them. So if you are out there giving advice or you are out there looking for advice, remember the first step, make sure to start with empathy.